Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Oregon Live From the time they are born, we put our boys in blue beanies and our girls in pink ones. It's a societal norm, an expectation even, that you just are what you are born — a boy or a girl.
From early on, we divide toys and activities by very distinct gender lines, with superheroes and trucks and muck on one side and princesses and dolls and all things frilly on the other.
From early on, we divide toys and activities by very distinct gender lines, with superheroes and trucks and muck on one side and princesses and dolls and all things frilly on the other.
Many children land, enthusiastically, on the expected side. Others dabble in both "girl" and "boy" things. But what if your kid, even from an early age, mostly showed interest in doing opposite-gender things? More importantly, what if they wanted to BE the opposite gender — or a less-defined mix of both? And what if they wanted to test those limits in public places, like school?
It's not, of course, that pat of a process. Parents don't just decide to let their kids switch genders. But, whether parents are dragged through the process, or if they decide to work it through more openly, more kids are challenging the boundaries of traditional gender, and going public at younger ages.
And they are doing so with the guidance of a growing faction of medical experts who no longer see this as something to be fixed. Last year, the American Psychiatric Association removed "gender identity disorder" from its list of mental health ailments.
Some experts predict that views on gender will evolve in much the same way they have for sexual orientation, since homosexuality was removed as a mental illness nearly four decades ago. Today, the gender spectrum includes those who are transgender, who see themselves as the opposite gender, and those who are gender variant, or gender nonconforming, whose gender is more "fluid." For kids, it means they identify part of themselves as boy and part as girl.
Increasingly, those students are making the transition as early as elementary school, if not before.
Ryan, a fourth-grader in suburban Chicago, is one of those kids.
Most people, upon seeing her big blue eyes, long lashes and flowing blond hair, would never know she's anything but a girl. But underneath, she is still physically a boy.
Doctors call that gender variant, though Ryan prefers to call herself a "tomgirl.
"I feel that I'm a girl in my heart," she says, "and a boy in my brain."< Her parents allowed her to be interviewed and also agreed to speak to The Associated Press on the condition that the family's last name, the name of the town where they live and the school Ryan attends not be used in the story.
It's not, of course, that pat of a process. Parents don't just decide to let their kids switch genders. But, whether parents are dragged through the process, or if they decide to work it through more openly, more kids are challenging the boundaries of traditional gender, and going public at younger ages.
And they are doing so with the guidance of a growing faction of medical experts who no longer see this as something to be fixed. Last year, the American Psychiatric Association removed "gender identity disorder" from its list of mental health ailments.
Some experts predict that views on gender will evolve in much the same way they have for sexual orientation, since homosexuality was removed as a mental illness nearly four decades ago. Today, the gender spectrum includes those who are transgender, who see themselves as the opposite gender, and those who are gender variant, or gender nonconforming, whose gender is more "fluid." For kids, it means they identify part of themselves as boy and part as girl.
Increasingly, those students are making the transition as early as elementary school, if not before.
Ryan, a fourth-grader in suburban Chicago, is one of those kids.
Most people, upon seeing her big blue eyes, long lashes and flowing blond hair, would never know she's anything but a girl. But underneath, she is still physically a boy.
Doctors call that gender variant, though Ryan prefers to call herself a "tomgirl.
"I feel that I'm a girl in my heart," she says, "and a boy in my brain."< Her parents allowed her to be interviewed and also agreed to speak to The Associated Press on the condition that the family's last name, the name of the town where they live and the school Ryan attends not be used in the story.
Though the decision to publicly express publicly as a girl happened at the end of kindergarten, Ryan had slowly been becoming "she" at home for a long time, even when she still had a crew cut.
Six months after her second birthday, her parents say Ryan was drawn to all things pink and sparkly. Ryan, the boy, wore pajama pants on his head, pretending it was long hair, or acted out girl roles from movies. [...]
Monday, May 27, 2013
Getting rid of molesters…. with TRUE effort
A story is told about a small church in town, which had a garden that has become completely overgrown. Years of neglect have turned it into a veritable jungle of thorns, bushes, and weeds. Among the members of the parish was a man who was quite a talented and accomplished gardener. The sight of the overgrowth bothered him week after week, until he finally decided to do something about it. He put on his gardening gloves and began pulling weeks, removing bushes, tilled the earth, planted grass, transplanted flowers, and over several days, the garden started to look really lovely.
He worked up to the last minute before services, and was on his hands and knees in the garden, finishing up, as the priest walked by.
Looking around appreciably, he said “My word, isn’t it amazing what man could accomplish with the help from Providence!”
The gardener stood up, brushed of his hands, and responded. “With all due respect, father, you should have seen this place when Providence had this place to himself!”
Obviously, the gardener was trying to point out that it was his actions that brought about the beauty before them. And, just as obviously, the priest was trying to point out that without a God to cause seeds to germinate, grass to grow, flowers to sprout, and beautiful colors come forth, all of the work the gardener had done would have also been for naught.
This is the concept of “Hishtadlus”, loosely translated as “requisite effort” that is basic to the Jewish faith. Ever since God commanded the Jews to first travel into the Red Sea before he split it, the understanding is that God will do “his job” as long as we do “our job”
This responsibility to do our Hishtadlus carries on to earning a livelihood, to keeping our bodies fit, and to safekeeping ourselves……. and our children.
How much Hishtadlus one is required to do is up for debate, but what is NOT up for debate is that whatever Hishtadlus entails, one is obligated to do.
If you are continuously failing in what you are trying to accomplish, you must change your game plan, your Hishtadlus.
How do you reconcile “If you fail, try try again” with “It’s not working, time to try something else”?
If you have a logical reason explaining why what you have tried did not work, and now it might, then it might pay to continue. If you have tried everything, and still have not had the success you have been hoping for, Hishtadlus might very well rule that it is time to figure out a new game plan that will work and get you the results you desire.
Continuing what you had been doing is not an option,
For decades, some of our children have been living in a veritable jungle of fear, in an undergrowth of distrust, with the thorns of molestation thrust upon them through the neglect of the community that should have protected them.
During that time, the understanding was that the Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya” were “dealing” with the problem.
However, it was not working. The jungle life in the garden continued to wreak havoc, one Korban at a time.
Clearly, what was being done was not working. We are now coming to the realization that logically, going to the Rabbonim with was not true Hishtadlus.
How could it be Hishtadlus? The Rabbonim with don’t have the resources, training, equipment, or ability to conduct a criminal investigation.
Upon hearing of the recent guilty plea, I was flummoxed. Where was the siyata d’shmaya? How could an Adam Gadol, who was so POSITIVE that the accused was innocent, be so WRONG, in such a SPECTACULAR fashion? The only explanation I could come up with is that “siyata d’shmaya comes as PART of Hishtadlus. When a person has a Shaila about a chicken, his Hishtadlus is to go to a Rav. And the Rav will be given siyata d’shmaya in his ruling. Since proper Hishtadlus for a molestation victim is to go to the authorities, “siyata d’shmaya was withheld from the Rav in that situation who was not doing HIS Hishtadlus in that situation, by referring the case to people who are properly equipped to investigate the situation, prosecute the culprit, and assign proper punishment.
Our Gedolim are Tzaddikim who lead us, guide us, in areas of Halacha, Mussar and Hashkafa. They need to be looked up to, and follow their dictates, which indeed DO have tremendous siyata d’shmaya in areas of Psak Halacha.
Conducting a criminal investigation is not an area in which our Rabonnim have been trained or properly outfitted for. Not only are they not qualified to conduct the investigation, they are even less qualified – or even able – to mete out appropriate punishment.
Clearly, while Halachically one is ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED to perform proper Hishtadlus, to save the lives of their children, paradoxically there were many the Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya” who were stopping this very Histadlus from being performed.
Thankfully, though, the tide has turned.
Along came certain gardeners who have worked to start weeding out the evil from amongst us.
Slowly, beauty is emerging in the absence of this evil.
The people harming our children are being incarcerated. Many more are put on notice that we will not stand by and let them prey on our young.
A beautiful garden is growing.
But, make no mistake.
The eradication of this evil is being done by gardeners performing their Hishtadlus, the parents who are going to the authorities to protect their children.
None of this beauty, none of our now convicted molesters ending up in jail came about by “Providence” alone. Nor through the work of Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya”. If anything, recent court actions show that due to the insistence of Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya” molesters have been free to continue to molest, to the point where we now have second generation molesters in our community, who have molested children AFTER the Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya” have been informed of their activities. In this particularly embarrassing case, the Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya” were absolutely CONVINCED, after “thorough investigation” that the accused was innocent… Until the accused stood up in court and admitted guilt to each and every charge.
Moreover, if the Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya” had their way, Nechemia Weberman would still be giving “therapy” to teenage girls in a locked office with a bedroom for 12 hours a week, Yosef Kolko will still be a camp counselor, and Jordan Murray would still be teaching 5 and 6 year olds.
It is only through TRUE Hishtadlus, going to authorities, that this problem can be dealt with.
It is clear that when people like Rabbi William Handler tell us that we should leave the issue in the hands of the Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya”, we MUST stand up, brush our hands off, and tell him “You should see what a jungle this place was when the Rabbonim with “siyata d’shmaya” had it to themselves”
There was was once a time says the master of prayer when each of us had gone to his own special place. The warrior. the orator. and all of the king's men - each had gone lo renew his particular strength.
At that time a great wind storrn swept over the world. The entire earth was confounded. Dry land was transformed into sea and sea into dry land. Deserts came up where there had been towns. And new towns sprang up in areas where there had only been desert. The whole world was turned upside down by the wind.
When the wind came into the king's palace, it did no damage at all. As it whipped through the palace, however. it grabbed up the beautiful child and carried him away in an instant. The king's daughter ran off in pursuit of her child. Soon she was followed by her mother. the queen. and then by the king himself. Thus all of them were scattered and nobody knows their place.
None of us was there when this happened, as we each had gone off to renew our strength. When we did return to the palace. we found no one there .... Since then we have all been scattered. and none of us can now get back to that place where he needs to go to renew his strength. Since the wind came and turned the entire world around, changing land into sea and sean into land. The old paths no longer are of any use. We are now in need of new paths because all the places have been altered. Meanwhile we can not renew out former strength. We do, however, retain an imprint of those former times and that in itself is very good.
Dr. Jacob Katz (Changing Position and Outlook of Halakhists in Early Modernity) The beginnings of modernity, as we all know, can be dated in relation to the phenonmenon the history of which we wish to trace. The attempt to fix time when the position of the rabbis, the official bearers of halakhic authority, changed, eliciting as a result an alteration in their outlook as well, may well be facilitated by observation of two corresponding proceses. One of these was the growing intervention of the respective governments in the affairs of the Jewish communities, undermining the autonomy upon which the authority of the rabbis depended. The other was the emergence of a group of people within the communities who, relying on their own judgment contested the prerogative of the rabbis to control the religious conduct of their congregants. The two phenomena are not independent of each other. The tendency of the modern state to appropriate functions formerly the domain of religious institutions and the endeavor of individuals to exempt themselves from religious authority are both an expression of the expanding spirit of rationalism in the course of the eighteenth century.
NY Times In Stockholm and other towns and cities last week, bands made up mostly of young immigrants set buildings and cars ablaze in a spasm of destructive rage rarely seen in a country proud of its normally tranquil, law-abiding ways.
The disturbances, with echoes of urban eruptions in France in 2005 and Britain in 2011, have pushed Sweden to the center of a heated debate across Europe about immigration and the tensions it causes in a time of deep economic malaise.
The riots, now subsiding, have produced less damage than the earlier ones in Paris and London, which also involved mostly immigrants. But the unrest has shaken Sweden, which has a reputation for welcoming immigrants and asylum seekers, including those fleeing violence in countries like Iraq, Somalia and Syria, and regularly ranks in surveys as one of the world’s happiest places.
“I don’t know why anybody would want to burn our school,” Ms. Bromster said. “I can’t understand it. Maybe they are not so happy with life.”
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