Weiss-Dodelson divorce battle in the news again: Context & documentation

The following Jewish Week article written by a relative of the wife is obviously not an objective or balanced account of this divorce case involving the Feinstein and Kotler families.   Perhaps the critical issue is the wife's claim that her husband refuses to go to beis din to negotiate a settlement. He denies it and I present here the 20 pages of documentation to support his claim. I have linked to the article as well as one of many articles on the matter published on my blog. None of this material appears or is acknowledged in the Jewish Week article even though it is readily accessible with a Google search - why not?

I submitted this comment to the Jewish Week article - don't know whether it will be published.

Unfortunately this is a very simplistic and biased presentation of a complex issue by a relative of the wife who obviously shares her pain. However there is much material that could and should have been presented if this was meant as anything other than another attack in the continuing battle. For those that are interested the husband's side - it  is available in a number of posts on my blog Daas Torah. Search for "Weiss" in the archives. Alternatively see this post http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2013/08/weiss-dodleson-divorce-battle-in-news.html which has links to the relevant information.

This is a sad and unfortunate situation - but it is not going to resolved by p.r. fluff pieces in the media. It requires both of them to work together with a neutral beis din

Important links and documentation

1 response   ,2 ora   ,3 response  4 Weiss family response and documentation

5 bitul seruv,  6 defending bitul seruv  7 ORA's view from Jewish Press

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The Jewish Week  My cousin, Gital Dodelson — my beautiful, poised, second cousin who is entering her third year of law school in the evening program at Rutgers University, and who belongs to the strictly observant Orthodox community of Lakewood, N.J. — seemed destined for many happy years ahead in February 2009, when she married Avrohom Meir Weiss, the great-grandson of the late Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, the revered Talmudic authority of his generation.[...]

Alas, the marriage was short-lived. After nine months, Gital gave birth to a baby boy, but just one month later, at Gital’s initiative, in December 2009, the couple parted ways. Three years later, she is still waiting for her “get” — her document of Jewish divorce. 

That wait could take decades. There are cases like that, and my cousins report that Avrohom Meir has indicated if his conditions aren’t satisfied, he’ll wait until Gital’s hair turns gray to give her the get. It seems he isn’t satisfied with the settlement handed down last summer by the New Jersey courts, granting him custody of his son every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon as well as every other weekend. Among his other demands, according to my cousins: He wants to share custody 50-50, and he wants $350,000 to cover his legal expenses.

Also this: He’s not interested in going to a bet din, or rabbinic court, to resolve these matters, and has ignored a siruv (a contempt-of-court ruling issued by a rabbinic court) after failing to heed repeated summonses by Beis Din of Mechon L’Hoyroa, a reputable rabbinic court in Monsey, N.Y.  He continues to ignore the siruv even after several of the most prominent rabbis in the country urged him in writing to go to a rabbinic court. [...]

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In contrast to her claims  my brother wrote on this blog

A  signed letter from major Rosh Yeshivas has been issued attacking Rabbi Avrohom Mayer Weiss for not giving his wife, a Dodelson, a GET. The letter declares three things: One, that the Siruv given the husband by Beth Din Machon LiHorah requires everyone to treat him as if he was in Cherem. Two, everyone should pressure him with public humiliations and by taking away his livelihood to force him to give his wife a GET.

All three things are completely wrong. Let us begin with the Siruv issued by Beth Din Machon LiHorah. Yes, they issued a Siruv and claimed that he did not respond to their demand that he go to a Beth Din to settle his issues with his wife. But there is another Beth Din, that of Rav Gestetner  in Monsey, that has issued a Bitul Siruv, claiming that the husband acted in a proper way and did accept the obligation to go to a Beth Din. The family claims that it has over twenty pages of proof in writing that they did accept the demand by Machon LiHorah to enter the Beth Din process to resolve the issues with his wife.  So the issue must be resolved by a third Beth Din, impartial and fearless and not the cousin of the wife as in this letter. [...]

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Testimony of minor is not to determine guilt but only to protect victims - Rav Dovid Cohen

Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society Fall 2012

Letters

Dear Editor,

In Rabbi Reiss's article (JHCS, Pesach 5772) on child molestation he writes about the difficulty to know for certain  that molestation has occurred: "One hurdle is that acts of child molestation typically occur in private, with only the children able to testify about what has transpired." He then applies the Ramo (Choshen Mishpat 35:14) that in circumstances where the   only individuals present are minors, they  can testify with respect to actions  committed in that venue. However, it seems   to me that the Ramo is not applicable in our situation, because   we are dealing with minors who are the injured party, as is quite clear from the quoted section above. The Ramo did not   permit "testimony" from minors if they are the Baal Davar  (plaintiff or defendant), as that is not "testimony" and they are   not "witnesses" but rather Baalei Davar. [The Shach and Aruch   Hashulchan say that even relatives are not included in the Ramo's rule, Kal V' homer the Baal Davar.] The only   applicability of the Ramo would be if a minor witnessed an act of molestation  committed against another person, which is of  course not the typical situation and is not what is being   discussed here.

Sincerely,

Rabbi Binyamin Cohen

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Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society Spring 2013

Letters

To the Editor:

In the Fall edition of this journal [LXIV], Rav Binyamin  Cohen, sh'lita, comments on an earlier article about child  molestation. There, the author had relied on the ruling of  Ramo [CM 35:14], that it is permissible for beit din to accept the  testimony of a minor if there is no other choice. Rav Cohen  argues, however, that this ruling should not apply to a child's  accusations about what was done to him, because he is a  litigant in the matter, and the testimony of a litigant is not  acceptable in a Jewish court. (On the other hand, if the child is  testifying about something he saw being done to another  person, Rav Cohen would allow Ramo's ruling to apply.)

However, I wish to point out what I think is a fundamental  error in his objection: in these situations, our batei din are not  sitting in judgment concerning punishment or payment. They  are seeking to protect the members of the community, trying  to determine whether the accused offender is to be dismissed  from the position which gives him opportunity to molest.  Their function is not to gather "evidence", but rather to make  a finding according to umdenah (a logical or reasonable  inference: even circumstantial evidence). Anyone's "testi­mony" can be used to establish an uindenah.

The problem of molestation in a community therefore does  not go under the label of nezikin (damages) but rather under  the rubric of hilchot rotzeach ushemirat hanefesh (laws of murder  and protecting life), and the batei din are simply there to  protect the victims. If it is necessary to incarcerate the  offenders in order to protect the victims - so be it.

Rav Dovid Cohen
  Brooklyn, NY

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Moti Elon convicted today of sexual assault on minor

YNet   The Jerusalem Magistrates' Court convicted prominent Religious Zionism leader Rabbi Moti Elon of sexually assaulting a minor on Wednesday. He was found guilty of performing indecent acts against a minor.

The Israeli Institute for behavioral Risk Assessment has been asked to give an opinion on the threat posed by Elon ahead of sentencing.

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We've come a long way - It is now commonplace to criticize rabbis for failure to deal with abuse

Not too long ago - only about three years - when I was contemplating publishing my books on child abuse, I was advised by rabbis, friends and family that it was suicidal. There were two major reasons given. 1) "We don't talk about abuse." Stores told me they would not sell any book that had the word abuse in its title or used the word "sex" in it. Someone who had initially offered support for the book, withdrew it when he saw that I actually explicitly discussed sexual abuse in the book. 2) "You can't criticize rabbis for failure to deal with the issue." Or rather I was told I can't make the claim that rabbis were not following halacha - it was viewed as an oxymoron. Obviously rabbis follow halacha because that is what rabbis do - at least Chareidi rabbis.

In fact I was told that I was going to be put into cherem and that nobody would sell the book or buy it. Rav Sternbuch, however, was insistent that the issue of child abuse needed to be dealt with and he urged the publication of the book.

Fast forward to the present. In the past week I have had the following encounters. 1) After kayaking on the Jordan River - someone gave me a seat on the overcrowded bus returning us to the parking lot. In the ensuring conversation, I discovered that he had a kollel for Choshen Mishpat. I mentioned that I was dealing with child abuse and C.M. 388. He responded that the rabbis either didn't know halacha or were grossly misapplying it in regards to abusers. Furthermore he had quit a good teaching job at a yeshiva because of his disgust with the school's failure to deal properly with child abuse. Thus after a few minutes of first meeting another Chareidi Jew we were openly discussing the problem of abuse and the failure of rabbis to follow the halacha. 2) I had a long talk with a relative who is a solid talmid chachom learning in Kollel. He is a very strict about lashon harah, respecting rabbinical authority and is strongly against Internet, smart phones and believes in Daas Torah and only reads the Yated. Yet he readily acknowledged that he personally knew cases of abuse that were mishandled by rabbonim and is fully aware of the cowardice of poskim in  dealing with the issue of mesira and calling the police. He also expressed surprise that I thought that any rabbi would apologize for making a serious mistake. 3) Today I met a very well known Yerushalmi posek and rav that I haven't seen for years. He remembered who I was and asked me what I was working on. When I responded, "Child abuse" - he readily expressed strong approval. When I told him my biggest problem was that the rabbonim don't follow the halacha - this well known exemplar of the rabbinic establishment's immediate response was , "I can tell you some really good stories about that." There was no hesitation, no defensiveness. It was simply an obvious fact - such as the sun rises in the morning or objects fall when dropped.

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Difficulty of knowing how to react to reports of sexual harrassment

Scientific American   “I was sexually harassed for four years,” I admitted to a colleague recently. “That’s awful!” he bellowed in outrage and genuine concern, before he promptly changed the subject. Sexual harassment is an uncomfortable topic to discuss with colleagues, especially when you’re the victim. You’re sharing personal details that they feel they shouldn’t know, and would rather not know. When your usual conversation consists of what you watched on TV last night or what you ate for lunch, it’s TMI to hear about your workmate’s sex life.

On the other hand, we’re so swamped with stories of sexism and sexual harassment that some people have become indifferent to them. Take for example the recent “Twitter shaming”. Adria Richards was at a conference when she overheard two guys making jokes she found to be sexist. She took a photo of the men and tweeted it, along with the conference’s code of conduct that prohibits making “sexist, racist or exclusory jokes.” This incident raised awareness about sexism in the tech world but it also resulted in one of the men and Richards being fired by their respective employers. It seemed to many that the whole issue had gone too far. [...]

Confronted with these stereotypes and influenced by the various forces of social conditioning, we often don’t know how to react to sexual harassment anymore. Here are some of the attitudes and opinions expressed to me, both directly and indirectly, when I began speaking out about my situation.

When they didn’t know the details, some people reacted with concern that was tempered with cautiousness. “Could you be overreacting?” or “Maybe you misread him?” There was suspicion over the delay in reporting the incidents, “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” and, “Why did you continue to work with him for so long?” Not observing the harassment was a cause for doubt. “I couldn’t tell there was anything wrong!” Some were prejudiced by their positive personal experiences with the harasser, “I know him. He’s a good guy. He wouldn’t do that!” My claims were also dismissed with the old adage that boys will be boys. “It’s a guy thing,” and, “That’s just how men behave.” One man offered a backhanded compliment, “Hey, what guy wouldn’t be interested in you!?”

As often happens in these situations, the blame is shifted to the victim. Like the woman in The Drew Carey Show, the victim may be labeled a prude or “uptight”. She lacks a sense of humor. She’s crazy. She may be portrayed as a troublemaker by the accused and his supporters. To undermine her claims, she might be branded a serial complainer, where sexism and sexual harassment are often confused, “You know, she’s accused other men of sexism before.” The case may be demonized as a witch-hunt, and become a cautionary tale told by those who fear that they too could be branded a “harasser” over the slightest comment or glance. “Watch out, or she’ll accuse you too!” I was held up to scrutiny in this way too. According to gossip about me, I gave him mixed-signals, I led him on, I’m flirtatious, and I’m a dirty little slut.

Alternatively, both the accused and accuser are blamed for the situation. Those who didn’t know the extent of the harassment reacted as though we simply don’t play well together in the sandbox. “Why don’t you two just get over it and move on!” The matter was misconstrued as a lover’s tiff, or that we were a couple in an on again, off again relationship. Others didn’t have time for my problems, “I have my own worries.” One person was surprised that I confided in him, saying, “It’s none of my business.” A number of people commiserated but then moaned, “I’m sick of talking about sexual harassment!” [...]

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Schlesinger Twins: BBC interview with Beth Alexander

BBC Manchester radio   [...]BH : Let’s return to more serious and difficult issues. You told me earlier that you were suffering from domestic violence in your marriage, and that got pretty bad. Tell us what happened one particular night when you already had the children.

BA: After the birth things just escalated out of control. In February 2010 things were so bad I actually feared for my life. I fled the apartment and went to a women’s refuge overnight. I came back the next morning hoping and praying that things might have calmed down and we could discuss the situation, but when I got to the apartment my husband had called the police and paramedics. His mother and aunt were there and he was throwing me around. He said “I was going to have had you committed to a mental hospital, you’re a psychopath, you’re a terrible mother, you’re a terrible wife, you’ll never see your children again, nobody will know where you are. I’m not even going to tell anyone that you’re in this mental hospital.” [...]

BH : I think you told me that he set up a psychiatrist over the telephone who decided that you were mad (over the phone)…

BA: A colleague of his, a Jewish psychiatrist, the head of psychiatry at the same hospital where he worked who claimed that yes, this woman is mentally ill and he then came to my apartment and backed up my husband and said “yes, she needs locking away” and then when he was asked by the police doctor “have you ever met this girl, have you actually diagnosed her”, he had to admit that actually “I’m sorry, I’ve never met her in my life, I’ve never even spoken to her, I’ve just heard the allegations of the husband”.

BH : Now, if I can put it crudely, you won this stage of the battle because the police evicted your husband from the marital home and you stayed there with the children for about 18 months and he had supervised contact during that period. [...]

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Moroccan royal pardon of pedophile causes violent demonstration

Times of Israel Update Aug 6, 2013   Daniel Galvan Vina, convicted of raping 11 children, picked up after bureaucratic mix-up saw him get nearly a week of freedom

aljazeera.    A demonstration ended in bloodshed and violence on Friday in Morocco when hundreds of protesters gathered outside the parliament in Rabat in a show of outrage over the royal pardoning of a convicted pedophile.

"The police hit everyone really hard. It was really violent," said Houda Chaloun, 32, from Casablanca who was at the demonstration. "I have never seen in the past two years such a violent repression of any kind of gathering," she said in a phone interview.

Last Tuesday, 18 months after his sentencing, 63-year-old Daniel Galvan was pardoned by Moroccan King Mohammed VI. Galvan is one of 48 Spanish prisoners, who were released from custody as a courtesy gesture following the visit of Spanish monarch King Juan Carlos.

According to reports, protests were violently dispersed in several cities in Morocco on Friday evening.

The conviction of Galvan was the result of an unprecedented court decision, validated by Morocco’s Supreme Court: the man accused of abusing 11 children was sentenced to 30 years in prison in a country where sentences against pedophiles have often been minimal.

"The pardon threw away one of the most important court decisions in the history of Morocco," Hamid Krayri, the victim’s lawyer told Al Jazeera. "This man took advantage of vulnerable, poor children and it was the first time a pedophile got such a harsh sentence in Morocco." [...]

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