Rav Dessler: Modern Psychology's mistaken view of man

Michtav M’Eliyahu (3:360-361 written 1949): Education of children regarding corporal punishment. Question: You have written that the lastest scientific research has a fundamental problem with the use of corporal punishment. They say that it is natural that children imitate what their parents do. Consequently if they are given corporal punishment then they will learn the improper lesson that they should hit those who act against their wishes... Answer: The secular researchers are mistaken because of two fallacies in their reasoning which cause them to misunderstand the true nature of the matter. 1) The first mistake is that they think  that man is born without any characteristics at all [tabula rasa] and therefore a person’s nature is totally determined by what he learns from his environment. In other words they mistakenly believe that a man acquires his personality entirely from his surroundings. This is not true. The Torah says “At the door sin crouches”. That means that even before a child is born that there is an instinctive attraction to evil. Our Sages note that when Rivkah was pregant with Yaakov and Esav  - when when she passed the temples of idolatry that Esav pushed to be born. See what the Maharal writes on this. That means that there is an aspect of instinct without conscious awareness or thought at all which are part of a person’s nature that he is born with which he has to fight against. It is obvious of course that the social environment can strengthen characteristics and that he can in fact learn from others. However the primary characteristics do not have to be learned from others because they are innate. 2) The second mistake is that they think that it is necessary to develop independence in children. This is an incredible error. In fact not only do they no need to learn independence but they need to learn submission and humility. They will in fact learn by themselves pride and murder. But to teach them “there is no one like me” (Yeshaya 47:10) is the approach of Edom< Examine well the letter of the Gra where he writes, “There are those who try to plant seed on a stone. But the heart of stone does not allow anything to enter. Therefore it is necessary to hit the stone and shatter it. Therefore I wrote to you that you should hit our children if they don’t listen to you... " We see from this comment of the Gra a totally different aspect of hitting. He says that hitting makes the child’s heart broken and subdued [so that he is capable of listening and understanding properly what is said to him - not just to punish him]. Study well Derech Etz Chaim of the Ramchal... It is difficult to quote all the relevant parts because there is so much material. Nevertheless he has profound comments and a totally different way of looking at it. He is saying that hitting one’s children is comparable to removing the impure blockage from the heart and the purification of the grave. [...] click here for 2nd half

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